I haven’t posted in about a year. I came across an issue regarding journalistic integrity: the cause of which, this soup. See, I wanted to create a review site that judged a restaurant solely on their soup. No jabs at the atmosphere or ‘vibes’. No comments on the service or beer selection. I simply wanted to harshly judge restaurants based on soup, giving a simple yay (souper) or nay (poopy). I decided to go to my next-door neighborhood bar that I LOVE. They have the best staples. Most impressively, their Bloody Mary and South House Burger are on point. I figured their French Onion would be just as excellent.

I don’t like to admit this, but I was very very wrong. South House needs to step up this soup in a BIG way. For an establishment so good at staples, there should be no exception with old school soup!

Let me tell you about it:

First of all, the layers were just wrong. French onion soup is broth, bread, and cheese in that order from bottom to top. This soup, however, was broth CHEESE bread. Wrong wrong wrong. Fundamentally. This is the antithesis of a reliable staple soup, and I simply cannot agree with it. I didn’t stop there, though.

Unavoidably, the first bite was of bread. It was a gluten-free pumpernickel that tasted like ash. The second bite included vegan cheese that was the equivalent of melted plastic. The third included the beef broth – also vegan. I understand that restaurants today have a duty to appeal to people with dietary restrictions. While I will put virtually anything edible in my face hole, I do understand this, and I have enjoyed substitute for dairy, animal protein, and even for wheat. This, however, was blasphemy.

French onion soup is basic. Turning every ingredient into a substitute was a bad way to go here. It is my sad truth that I have to name this South House staple a complete shit show.

#thiswaspoopysoup